Yeah, like the big, juicy ones! God help Americans for messing with our beloved fruit. In their terminology, they think of it as something overbearing or related to malnutrition of a kind.
You think I wrote something new or creative?

Haha, in your face brother!

This is just a common phrase among them referring to something that ruins the overall festivity feels.

Here are some of the incidents that according to them add up to nothing. A wise man once said, ”We don’t pray for love, we just pray for cars”! Well, sometimes it’s better to pray for love only!

Hyundai Sonata: the Running Horror Show

source - wikimedia

“Buying a used car is no wonder around here and so did I! Ow man, don’t give me that look, I know I should have inspected it but what are the get-your-car-certified-under-our-vehicle-history-report guys for? Trust me, it sounded to me a lot cooler than that. (I quite use that word “cooler” a lot, maybe dictionary guys should take heed and add it to their colossal book. I won’t mind!)

So, anyway I bought a Hyundai Sonata from a used car dealer which was from the “no accident lot”, but guess what they didn’t know?
It was leaking fluid like Eminem’s pants. (Yeah, like why these rappers pull up their pants right over the crotch? Pardon me, I’m just a newbie who uses cooler instead of more cool! There is a new disease in the market called “language schizophrenia” associated with the people like me!)

So, after taking it to the mechanic, I found out that the car had been in a crash (fuck you get-your-car-certified-under-our-vehicle-history-report guys) and the windshield fluid reservoir is cracked. Not just that, there is actually a bunch of other things that caught his attention: Front bumper had been replaced, radiator is radiating not like it should, and above all they didn’t even bother to change the coolant causing the engine to overheat drastically.

(Come on guys, didn’t you play hide and seek? I’m sick of finding out!)”
In his final words, Abby just wanted us to start having trust issues with used car dealers.

(Too bad Abby, it ain’t no shit being in a business like this!)

Fiat Ducato and the Mysterious Engine

source - popularmechanics

“Yet Unsolved!

When I bought Fiat Ducato from an auto auction, I didn’t know that people would find me capable of being this smart!
I was so smart, I truck-towed my car home only to find that the car was missing an entire engine no radiator, no transmission, no battery, nada!

I’m still sending out the model pictures of the above three, if you find them lying anywhere, please help me bring these babies back home.

Fortunately, I met another guy from the hood having same model but the body was a bit tarnished so we exchanged them in a tunnel. Do I still miss the originals? Yes I do! You guys are just so lucky to have BBT in your country!”

(See, how smart I’m at promotions!)

The Cupid Cadillac

source - i.ytimg

“Well, that’s what I wanted at that point of time without knowing that the place where we go daily hopping was eventually gonna turn out to be a death trap.

Yeah, the mechanic we’ve been with family terms ever since, sold me a car, real pretty!
The car was Escalade, which after picking up immediately gave away. So I got the starter replaced from him without labour charges. (You know we kinda had a thing!)

Sometimes later the warranty exploded right at my face leaving the intake manifold broken along with the painful demise of catalytic converter, overall the funeral costed me somewhere around 2000 bucks besides the 200/month I was already paying as a rent.
So, when I drove it back to his place after 4 months, guess who had a thing going on?

(We still have those family ties unbroken!)